You Know You’ve Been in Czech Republic Too Long, When…

• you find normal that 0.5 liter of beer is cheaper than 0.25 liter of water
• you order a beer because it’s cheaper than water
• actually you only drink beer now
• you need more than one beer to start feeling the effects
• you enter any restaurant with your order already memorized because you will be asked for it immediately, and then never will get another chance to order
• you consider bad customer service to be better than none
• you consider that three choices for a product are two too many
• you always anticipate the possibility that the cashier will refuse your credit card by having some cash with you (see next)
• you always prepare in advance the exact amount of cash needed when purchasing goods, so the cashier doesn’t have to yell at you
• you get charged the price set for locals
• you find it acceptable that banks charge you for depositing money in your account
• you have developed a sixth sense to avoid knocking onto people when walking innocently on the streets
• a taxi fare of 1500 CZK for a 10 minutes journey seems fair
• a taxi can take 45mins to make a 2km journey, via the “must see” sites of Prague  – even when you are in Pilzen
• taking 10 years to build 5km of motorway is normal. Isn’t new technology wonderful?
• taking 10 months to build a government is normal.  Isn’t democracy wonderful?
• you don’t notice the bad smell on public transport anymore
• you can lip-sync: “Ukončete prosím výstup a nástup, dveře se zavírají”
• you know what to do when hearing: “Vystupujte vpravo ve směru jízdy”
• public transport without graffiti or vandalism just isn’t normal
• a bus/tram driver who doesn’t think they are driving in the Dakar rally is either a learner or new
• looking out of the window on the metro should be obstructed by stickers and deep scratches
• you find normal that people who have available seats on a metro and bus don’t seat down and just like to block the doorway for the fun of it
• wheel chairs, pushchairs and old people are not supposed to be outside, this is why there is little or no convenient access
• if a bus driver stops for you whilst you are crossing the road is either a foreign coach driver or is being accompanied by Police
• it’s ok for Police and emergency vehicles to sound their sirens at 2am
• you find a trip to the Foreign Police enjoyable
• waiting for 3 hours at the foreign Police, being told that its now closed and to come back tomorrow is normal
• you manage to find the correct institute, the correct person to talk to and have all the correct forms (with notarised copies) at the first attempt
• you walk up Wenceslas Square at midnight and you’re not invited to Darling Caberet/Rocky o’ Rourkes Irish pub
• you think that a mullet haircut is the height of fashion
• you never forget to wish a happy name day
• you enjoy carp for Christmas dinner
• you believe that “burčák” and “špekáčky” are the translation of “nectar” and “ambrosia”
• adjectives such as “healthy”, “light” or “delicate” don’t belong to your food vocabulary anymore
• you consider that McDonald’s offers a healthy choice of meals
• locals don’t start talking in English because you are slaughtering their language
• locals don’t crack up laughing at your Czech language mistakes (e.g. “nemam penis”)
• you only swear by Jesus and Mary
• you can pronounce: “strč prst skrz krk”
• you gauge how good an ice hockey game will be by the number of Riot Police vans parked outside the stadium
• fully armed riot Police no longer look intimidating, in fact you wonder where the Darth Vader convention is taking place
• you find normal that a TV costs almost the same as your annual salary
• you consider that Blesk is not an invasion of privacy
• you think that “Pretty Woman” was originally sang by Karel Gott
• you think Karel Gott gets younger by the day
• you think Karel Gott is God

Merci a David, Richard, Sharon et Michaela pour leurs contributions :-)